Welcome!

[Host Jeremiah]

Welcome to your confessional! In this forum keep your lovely hosts updated on what's happening in the games, and you'll vote for who you want to leave the game. Vote for who you want to leave the game using this parchment.

You may cast your votes in this thread, or you can make a new thread to cast your votes.

A few gentle reminders:

1) Confessionals are MANDATORY in this game. If you don't post at least one quality confessional a round, you will self-vote (we'll be nice and give you a warning first). You will have up until the votes are due to post a confessional.

2) Updated boot lists are also mandatory! Create a boot list of all the players in the game, the first player being who you would vote out first, and the last player being who you would vote out last. This will prevent you from self-voting at tribal council. Players who don't provide a boot list will self vote at every tribal council they attend until they make one.

3) A reminder that this is an ALIAS GAME. Please do not reveal your identity to anyone else, or ask other players to reveal their identity. If you figure out a player's identity, keep it to yourself. Do not tell that player, or other players.

[Host Jeremiah]

Pre-game questions!

In this game, we will not be asking you questions every confessional. Confessionals are still mandatory though.

However we will ask you some pre-game questions.

1) Why did you choose to play the character you did?

2) What are your first impressions of the cast?

3) As you get to know your competition, who would you like to work with? Who would you not like to work with?

[Alina Wilson]

Oh wow! I was going to actually write first impressions up later tonight, but this works! Okay.

1. I choose Alina since she is a Survivor I really liked, and, well, she shared my name, sooo.

2. My first impressions. I think I'll combine questions two and three here and do writeups on all of the people I've spoken with thus far:

Charlie:

Charlie is probably the person I've "clicked" with the most thus far; I feel like the conversation we had went pretty well for a while. He seems genuine and like a nice guy. Although, there is something about him that rubs me the wrong way. I feel like he could be putting on an act and trying to be the like spunky BFF guy. This could just be paranoia on my part, but while he seems trustworthy at first glance, something in me is telling me not to trust him. I like him and think he's funny, but I'm keeping an eye on him. He's probably the person I'd most like to be on a tribe with at this point -- considering he's one of the few people I've spoken more than just something along the lines of "lol hi" and then five sentences. My conversations with (most) of the other people have felt forced, like I'm trying to make conversation where there really isn't much to be found(which to be fair I think is everyone's goal at this point: to feel everyone out.) Whereas with him it seemed to flow well. Definitely my #1 choice for an ally at this point, although as I said, something tells me I can't trust him fully.

Malcolm:

Okay. In my writeup on Charlie I said that some of my conversations seemed forced where there wasn't much to talk about. I feel like this was the case here. Sure, we talked a little, but it didn't really "flow" like it did with Charlie. It just felt like we were forcing ourselves to talk to eachother, from my POV. I can't really get a read on him at this point; either he's just disinterested in talking with just me, or he's doing this to everyone. I'm hoping it's the latter, because while I'm aware my conversational skills are not top-notch, I'd like to not think I'm not horribly boring.

Speaking of that, I am, to a certain extent, trying to act a bit more ditzy and clueless than I am, adding smiley faces all over the place so people view me as more unassuming and less of a threat. I'm hoping this will cause people to underestimate me and view me as a loyal servant, when if I have to I will really cut anyone's throat here. Getting to the end doesn't mean anything if I end up going there with someone who's going to kick my ass.

Anyways, back to Malcolm: I don't feel like there's much of a connection between us. I'm kind of praying we don't end up on the same tribe together because I don't know if I can keep conversation going up with him for too long. He seems kind of apathetic and like he doesn't care; and I think that could be just because he doesn't like me for some reason. (I don't understand why he wouldn't like me, btw, I'm so amazing it's not even funny. Okay, maybe that's hyperbole.) For that reason, I would like to stay away as far as possible from him, tribe wise. I don't think I can trust him to become an ally of mine in the future.

J.T:

My talk with J.T was kind of like a mix of mine with Charlie's and Malcolm's; it flowed at some points, and then others it was like we were just sitting there trying to figure out what to say to one another. I know that's the case for me; I'm pretty bad when it comes to talking to people at first when I'm not entirely sure what our common interests are. I feel that in a few days, this should improve and I'll be able to converse with people better, but for now I feel like I'm on shaky ground and haven't been leaving that good of impressions on people. J.T seems like a nice guy, but I think he's being cautious around me. Once again, possibly just paranoia, but I like having my thoughts on record like this. I'd be alright with being placed on a tribe with him; I'm not actively hoping for or against it, maybe I'm slightly for the idea, but until I've met everyone I can't really sort out if I want him over some of the "unmet ones", shall I say.

Brett:

Okay. Brett is interesting as well. He's probably the person who's piqued my attention the most so far, game-wise. He seems intelligent and nice, and while I like him so far, I think he's smart and could possibly be a big threat down the line. I would like to be on a tribe with him, because I think I can work with him, even though I don't have too much of a read on him yet -- but that really goes for most everyone. I'm trying to avoid game talk and just try to be nice and smiley happy fun time rainbow sunshine with people, and hopefully that'll leave a good impression to the point they'll be okay offering me an alliance. I'm not sure if I feel comfortable being the "instigator" so-to-speak and forming an alliance myself. If I HAVE to, I will, but I'd rather someone else take the helm. I'd prefer being second banana.

I keep rambling on and on here, but whatever. This is fun. I like sharing my thoughts. Looking back when this is all over(you know, after I win. Hopefully,) it'll be interesting to see how accurate or horribly wrong I am. I think I'll do entries daily, unless nothing really happens/changes. If the cycles are 3-days, like I'm thinking, in real Survivor, then stuff should be happening all the time. Actually, this is a question I'd like to know the answer to: How long will the rounds be? 3 days like the show?

Mkay. Who else. I'm not really going off a particular order here, just going off the top of my head. Okay.

Kathy:

I only spoke with her, for like, 10 seconds. She seems intelligent and well-adjusted, but in my experience in real life, those are the people to keep an eye on. They're usually crazy. Don't have too much of an opinion on her at this current point in time.

Aaaand next up is:

Denise:

Denise seems to be new to ORGs as well, like I am, so her being here is actually really nice. I'm happy I'm not the only newbie here, and they seem like the type of person I may be able to subtly manipulate, so being on a tribe with them, I think, would be ideal. I think I could propose some sort of alliance with her, and she would accept it regardless out of fear of being loloutfirsted like I am. I know at this point, if someone offered me an alliance I'd hop right on board in a heartbeat. I want to get into an alliance, feel solid a few rounds, and once I feel so, death to all my enemies. Well...okay...maybe not DEATH. I think I'd actually want to be on a tribe with her most -- Charlie is second now, after thinking this through.

Sandra:

Only talked with her for like 10 seconds, but I feel like I got more depth out of her than with Kathy. Seemed to want to actually have a conversation, but I wasn't quite sure where to go -- will pick this up in the future. I don't want to seem TOO stalky/obsessive, so I'm trying to wait for people to talk to me first AFTER I've sent them a "Oh, hi!" message. Tomorrow, if I see them on again and they've yet to message me, I'll initiate another conversation. I don't want to come across too aggressive, socially. Would be alright with being on a tribe with her. In the J.T club of "Okay with being on a tribe with, but not so sure that's an ideal situation yet."

Natalie:

Natalie. Just been talking to her as I read this, and my opinion changed; I think she's likely to be the biggest gamer here that I've spoken to atm. I think she's talking to me out of trying to get me on her side instead of like lolbffs4life. Like, I know that's what EVERYONE is trying to do, but with her it's palpable, if that makes any sense? Like, she's funny and has had a few funny comments, but I just feel like there are ulterior motives behind her actions. I don't think I want to be on a tribe with her. I'm intimidated, to be quite honest. Getting gigantic flashing red radars in my head from her, likely dangerous as hell.

~

Just received a message from Sandra. I think she's genuine. I like her. I'm okay with being on a tribe with her for sure, think I can work with her. I feel like there was much more I wanted to say here. I'll revisit later after some more pondering and see if there's anything else I want to say. I know there was at least one other major thing I wanted to bring up at some point. I'd put her over Charlie at this point in the "want to be on a tribe with" list because Charlie does give me skeevy "I'm an evil mastermind and am going to smile at you as I vote you out, yay!" vibes to the core.

Also, yeah, I may or may not have brought this up already, but I feel like my conversational skills are lacking and I haven't really been doing as well as I'd like. While I think I have common ground with a few people(Sandra, Charlie, Denise), the rest I'm not sure I've made a good impression on. I feel I could be coming off fake and "too nice" by virtue of me trying to seem like a non-threat. This wasn't really a possibility I had considered, but I'm thinking it's a strong possibility that that's what's going on. I could be being too insecure, at the moment, because this is my first ORG and I really don't want to be first out, but I'm trying to accomodate to every possibility. I think I'm going to try to subtly turn back my supernice plan because I think that is going to make people go "look at Alina, she's such a threat! Trying so hard to get us to like her!" Which isn't really a title I'd like at this point.

Anyways. Alina out, for now!

[Alina Wilson]

That came out a lot more disjointed/stream-of-consciousness than I would've liked. Oh well. Gonna keep it as is since I want to keep my initial thoughts, like, trapped in stone.

[Alina Wilson]

Doing one more writeup before bed! Want to get all my thoughts off my chest.

Just spoke with Katie for the first time. I love her. She's easily my favorite person so far. I could talk about this in detail, but it would just be repetitive. She's awesome. That is all. If I don't end up on the same tribe as her I will be sad as heck. I want to be in not one, not two, but fifty alliances with her.

Also I don't know if it's just my posts that are being liked or everyone's. What if you're leading me on? ;( I won't know what to live for anymore. I'll just tell myself it's because I'm special. It'll make my ego feel good. Yay!

I talked with JT some more, honestly, he seems like a really nice, trustworthy guy. I'm not sure we have THAT much in common, but I think we could still work together, potentially. I don't think he's the type to run around betraying people for giggles. I think he has a good impression of me, so that helps a lot. Or maybe he's just nice to everyone, who knows. We'll see!

Also, I feel that during my last few conversations my "shell" has lifted and my conversations are becoming a lot more natural instead of forced -- I'm happy I'm finally in my element. I was getting worried that because my posts were pretty much me just trying to get conversation going, I could be perceived as fake; but my last few conversations, at least, have flowed pretty well. Getting more confident in that department.

I've also spoken with Colby for the first time. He seems like a good enough guy, but, I don't think we click very well. Our conversation feels natural, at least me to him does, but it doesn't feel "right". Feels kind of meh, if that makes any sense. Doesn't seem to be all that interested in talking to me, I don't think. Don't think I want to be on the same tribe as him. He claimed he has experience in ORGs, and I'm a bit intimidated by that experience. I feel like he could go far. I'm keeping an eye on him.

UPDATE: Oh. I was writing this out during my conversation with him as I was planning to go to bed; he said he hoped we were on the same tribe before I left. Dude, I feel bad now. Maybe I was totally misreading him. He could just be being nice but now I'm confused. Ugh. I'll sleep on this. I feel bad for telling him I wanted to be on the same tribe with him back when I'm really scared of him. I've got to keep my head in the game though and not get affected by liking people, as hard as I'm sure that'll end up being.
 
Also, it seems that we can see each other's post counts...interesting. I don't want to come across like I'm trying too hard, so maybe I should try and keep my post count in here down somehow. Well, I suppose it can't be helped. Just gonna go with it!

Anyhow, this'll be all for tonight. I'm going to head to bed and do some more socializing when I wake up. Curious to see what the tribe makeups will be, too. Wondering if you've already got them planned out or if you're going to be putting people on the same tribe who DON'T want to be on the same tribe as each other for maximum entertainment on your ends. xD I'm a bit scared of that possibility, but we'll see what happens!

[Alina Wilson]

WOW! Okay, so today has been a big day. Not much happened in the afternoon, since I was going out for a while, but I did manage to speak to Vytas for like 5 seconds. Anyways, when I came back I got to talk with Chet. He seems like an alright guy, but I feel he's trying too hard to be "Chet" instead of, well, himself. I'm not sure if playing a character is the wisest move in this -- I've tried to avoid doing that in an obvious way(while I am trying to be a biiiiit more ditzy than usual, I don't think it's in a character-esque way, like Chet is doing) He seems to have a good impression of me, and kept messaging me even after the tribe reveals. I'm kind of hoping he sticks around to a swap, because it's possible that I could work with him.


Anyways, on the tribe reveal. This is an alright setup for me -- While I have absolutely no idea who the heck Ami and Lex even ARE -- trying to see them online is harder than looking for Waldo. I haven't seen them on AIM for a second, and I haven't spoken a word to them. So that's already not...the greatest start, however, after speaking with Kathy and Charlie, it seems they haven't managed to speak to them as well, so I'm actually secretly ecstatic about this. To be perfectly honest, I hope they never show up again just so we can boot them as fodder if we have to go Tribal to give me more time to stabilize my bonds.

Also, speaking of that, I think I'm doing MUCH better socially than I had first thought. I thought I was coming across fake, but evidently Charlie and Kathy both love me. They both seem to have good impressions of me and (I hope) are interested in working with me...we formed a group chat and talked about the challenge a bit; since it's Kathy's and I's first ORG, we both really don't want to be the person sent as the volunteer for the first solo-challenge. Charlie apparently has experience, but he's not all that keen on the idea of doing it. We've agreed to send someone with experience who's confident in what they're doing.

I'm not sure what Malcolm, Ami and Lex's experience is(or if the latter two will show up...), but I'm hoping one of them is confident in doing it. If they pull it off, great, yay! Hopefully we win an advantage in the challenge or something. And, if it's something strange like a magical tribe switchup to confuse us all, we lose one of the three I haven't bonded with all that well.

And on those bonds, with Kathy and Charlie, I like them both a lot, and hope we can form an alliance and work together. I've avoided really bringing up any talk of alliance because I don't want to be thought of as "a big player" and be taken out as target numero uno so early on. I think I may actually be coming across a bit too strong socially, actually, since I mentioned to Charlie I've spoken to most everyone, with the exceptions of (I believe?) Edgardo, Kelly, Lex and Ami. He mentioned he hadn't talked to most people yet, and I felt like I had an "Ooops! I'm doing better than you, crap!" moment that I wish I hadn't shared now. I hope he doesn't think I'm a threat or anything -- I feel him learning this is my first ORG should (hopefully) water down whatever threat to him I may have accidentally let on.

I think, between the two of them, if I had to choose, working with Kathy is my best idea. Charlie is still giving me the creepy evil mastermind vibes, and. like Denise, it's Kathy's first ORG, so I think I can use that to further supplement a possible alliance between us. I think, ideally, a trio of myself, Kathy, and Charlie would be good -- possibly add in Malcolm as well, or one of the invisible duo. When Charlie said he loved me and Kathy, he only mentioned that "Malcolm was nice." This is a good thing, because the wording implies that he's not as close to Malcolm as he is me and Kathy -- in fact, I might even wager that Malcolm is letting off the same auras to others that he is to me, so it may not just a me probably-not-getting-along-with-him-all-that-well thing, and it may be a Malcolm-isn't-getting-along-with-anyone thing. Which is something I'd love, because anyone being the first boot other than me at this point is such a wonderful prospect I could even cry.

Welp, the night is still young, so there may be some things that I'll have to update in here tomorrow, but that's all I've got for tonight! I did talk with Malcolm briefly and he said he'd be online later, and that he was at the movie theatre, so it'll be interesting to where that goes. Actually, he also said that he was hoping I'd be on the same tribe as him, so, once again, maybe I'm being too paranoid and I'm doing better than I thought...I like the sound of that. Very much.

[lj]

Good luck Alina! And to answer your question, it's either 3 days or a week depending on if Jeremy is not drunk somewhere in a dark alley or if Aras is not on a pokemon tournament. Otherwise, expect a round to last up to a week or im just exaggerating :x

[Host Jeremiah]

I do get drunk a lot :x

I think the longest round we had was Fourth of July weekend plus a day...so I can understand why you're upset about that mr Australia man.

Also I love your confessionals Alina keep it up <3

[Host Brian]

Aras is Oprah. He hands out likes to everyone.

[Alina Wilson]

Thanks Jeremiah! You guys made me laugh with your posts btw, lol!

[Alina Wilson]

Alrighty then! Today has been long. I'm not even sure where I should start, but today's had a mix of good, bad and outright baffling.

Alright, let's start at the very beginning today(Feels like ages ago o.O) anyways, J.T and Sandra both said that they were sad that I wasn't on the same tribe as them, which pleases me, well, greatly. J.T is a trustworthy guy, from what I can tell, so having him as a possibility to have on my side in the event of a tribal switch is a good thing. Judging by his performance in the challenge today, as well, and knowing him, I find it highly unlikely that he'd get voted out before a switch, anyways, so chances are good we'll reunite as long as I can make sure I make it. He's not my top pick to work with right now, but he's still a back road I've got set up for me to take if I need it. Sandra, I'm not too sure on -- she seems really sweet, and the fact she wants to work with me is great, but once again, she's not a top pick for me at this point. Another backroad I can explore in the future, if needed.

Anyways, today we got the first appearance of Lex and Ami! While previously they were battling Purple Kelly for the title of "Most Invisible Survivor Ever", they both popped up. Lex, apparently, had a problem with his username -- so that makes sense why he didn't show up. Ami just decided not to show up because she didn't feel like it or something, I don't really know...anyways, Ami seems alright, but I've got meh vibes from her, like she doesn't care too much about the game. With Lex, I get a genuine feeling that he's trying to be useful and work with the tribe, like when he signed up for the challenge(even though myself, Kathy, Charlie and Malcolm all said Charlie would do it, he just stepped up like "w/e" without asking us, so...) actually, let me just start talking about that challenge right now because...yeah.

I mean, JT and Edgardo were basically gods out there, and Lex...I don't know if he was alt-tabbed out watching cat videos on YouTube or something, but he seemed to be trying the least effective "slow and steady" strategy I've ever seen. No offense to the guy; he was trying, I'm sure, but I felt like I was having a stroke watching that challenge. Each F5 I was begging for him to pick up another coin and he was nowhere to be found for another 5 minutes. It was really, really excruciating. I'm happy he tried, but...yeah, it hurt to watch.

Lex seems to be trying to be the leader, as well, he stepped up and made a tribe group chat, which, while I personally think it was a good idea, has at least Malcolm and Charlie questioning him...he's definitely trying harder than no-show Ami, though.
UPDATE: As I was writing this out, he's been doing a pretty good job of leading the tribe in the actual immunity challenge. I'm pretty impressed to be honest. He's definitely staying over Ami if we have to go to Tribal -- Kathy agrees. Charlie's also praised him, since.

Ah...I just remembered something that occured after I wrote my last confessional out last night but a bit before I finally went to sleep; even though Malcolm promised to talk with me at night, he evidently messaged Charlie and didn't message me. Just Charlie. Charlie messaged me "Yay! Malcolm's back!" Or, well, something to that extent, but Malcolm failed to say anything to me. Gee, I wonder why! It speaks to me that as much as Malcolm might try to have me believe otherwise, he seems to value Charlie more. I'm not forgetting this.

Now, back to today: Malcolm approached me about an alliance with himself, Charlie, and Kathy. He said Charlie was discussing it with him last night, which, once again, I find particularly interesting. Charlie mentioned it to him without saying a thing to me or Kathy, which suggests to me, again, that the two of them are far closer than they'd like us to believe. I assume they're each other's #1 allies, at this point. I accepted the alliance, of course, since we're the four most active and contributory members (and we're all also awesome by the way, but that's another story) and I think that's a somewhat solid alliance that I could at least use to get me past the pre-swap stage of this game.

However, I still don't trust Malcolm or Charlie fully. But here's a funny story. One of the top 5 most confusing moments of my life, I think. Okay, maybe exaggeration, but only slightly! So...Malcolm came up to me...and said that he wanted to sit in the end with me. I sat there for like five minutes completely confused, slack-jawed, wondering who the hell offers a final two deal on, what, day three? I mean, no, seriously. WHO DOES THAT? I'm still so shocked I can't even words. He said it was because I was the first person to message him(which I don't believe, by the way, he and Charlie were both online when I logged on first. They talked first. Calling it now.) He only offered it to me after I had mentioned this was my first ORG, and on that note, I'm purposely saying that to every possible person I can. I'm finding any excuse I can to drop it into a conversation, to lessen whatever threat I may pose to people. But anyways. Back to Malcolm. I think that may have influenced his decision and he thinks I could be an easy beat in the end, OR he doesn't honestly mean Final Two(which is what I am assuming), and while I said "if that's what you want I'll go for it" there is no way in hell I believe for a second he means to take me up there. He might think I'm a non-threat and want to take me instead of Charlie or whoever, but I'm not taking a risk like that. I'm 99.99% sure him and Charlie are best buds and I'm not falling for his Grade A BS Machine.

Anyways, onto Kathy, the person I'd most like to work with at this point! We're both new to ORGs, she seems smart, trustworthy, and a little bit insecure since she was worried about coming across useless in the challenge(I am too buuut trying to hide it) which all adds up to a good alliance partner. I told her when I went in I wanted to find someone else newish to try and work with(which is true, I'm not sure if I put it on my app? I think I did...not sure.) anyways, she seemed to respond positively to that and she seems to confide in me, when she was worried of looking stupid in group chat she was going to ask me something instead, which speaks that I am the most trustworthy person to her, since she did not ask someone else, but instead chose to ask me. Which is...really nice, actually! She's my number 1 as well and I told her I had her back and she said the same. Cha-ching.

Now I've been thinking as I've been writing this -- I'm really not sure what to make of Charlie. Am I his number one ally? Is Malcolm? Is Kathy? He seems to keep saying he loves me and Kathy, but logic points to him and Malcolm being best bros. The him-loving-me-and-Kathy-and-just-thinking-Malcolm-is-nice that I brought up previously leads me to believe it's me or Kathy(hopefully me) but I'm just not feeling that for some reason. Maybe my gut is totally off kilter here; I'm trying to figure everything out. I like to think I'm good at reading people in PERSON, but via text it's proving to be a bit harder. I need to watch him a bit more, because I'm pretty sure he's sneaky.

Anyways. Malcolm brought up that he spoke with JT and Natalie, and Chet keeps bothering him, so that's funny. I think he hates Chet with a passion. I hope that continues. It's funny. Kind of off-topic, but I felt like bringing it up...anyways, now onto THEORY TIME!

I was looking at the tribe descriptions, and I believe people were placed there due to strategy reasons. The Lowe tribe seems to imply its members are cutthroat, brutal, manipulative, etc...which implies that Chet of all people is more threatening than he seems. Such a thought sends shivers down my spine...actually, it means JT is more untrustworthy than I may have believed. That's troubling. I don't think it means Denise is a threat. She probably said she'd backstab everyone, but it's her first ORG so I'm not sure she has the guts to do so...I do, if it's necessary, but backstabbing without a purpose is pretty silly. Monica being put there I can see, same for Vytas; Sandra, meh.

For my tribe, it seems to imply we're loyal, which, for me, is true, for the most part...I can see everyone on our tribe being loyal, although Charlie gives me those gut vibes that ughhhh I can't forget. Malcolm also is giving me those vibes...Thinking on this, I'm starting to think this theory of mine is inaccurate for me being on this tribe instead of the next one, which I'll explain my thoughts on momentarily.

Every...I'm not sure what it implies. Is it like Hufflepuff where a bunch of random people who don't fit either go? (That's what I'm assuming.) Is it people who've done well in past ORGs? I'm not sure, but I think I should've been put into that tribe instead if my theory is right, so I'm actually doubting this...still an interesting observation that I'm going to keep into the back of my head when it comes to trusting people like JT. Gives me a little extra faith in my tribe as well.

Well, that's pretty much all I've got to discuss off the top of my head at the moment. I'm currently planning on pulling an all nighter(even though I am SO bad at staying up late) because I want to prove myself to the tribe that I'm useful, so that just in case if people are talking behind my back like evil little snakes I can prove them I'm worthy of staying in it! We'll see if I can last and contribute the whole challenge or if I'll pass out in the water halfway through. I'm a bit worried about Ami -- she never shows up. She popped up for 10 minutes. Disappeared. Like, are we going to have to keep pulling her out of the water? If so, that's REALLY annoying. :/ I hope she pops up and does something eventually...but I doubt it.

If I had to rank my loyalty to my tribemembers right now I'd rank it like this:

1. Kathy
2. Charlie
3. Malcolm(I don't trust his final two thing at all. Yeah, right, dude. Pft.)
4. Lex
5. Ami

[Alina Wilson]

Unlike yesterday, which had a mix of everything...today just plain sucks. I'm near certain we're headed to Tribal Council tonight and I am not very excited about it. I mean, it feels like, to me, we were all trying really hard, with the exception of, what's her name again? Uh...Ashley? Arianne? Oh, Ami? Was that it? I wouldn't have any idea, since I know ghosts more talkative and visible than her. Lex stepped up as, you know, basically leader of the challenge and gave us orders, told us how long until the next post, I kept posting lists of who was in the water and points, everyone kept pushing, Malcolm kept popping in at the last second to push someone in...I mean, it was great. Except for the part where we started somehow losing. That sucked.

Sigh. Anyways, Ami is clearly the person to get voted out IF we do have to go Tribal, I mean...she popped up once for ten minutes. Everyone else is great and is trying their hardest, and she's...there are no words. None. I've talked with Kathy, I've talked with Lex, and I'm pretty sure Charlie and Mr-Day-Three-Final-Two-Deal are both on that same page. If anyone but her were to get voted out tonight(Meaning, me, since I'd be told otherwise, I'd assume) I would be shocked, hurt, and horrified. So I'm just hoping for the best because I have a feeling losing my first challenge is inevitable. Makes me want to cry tbh.

Time to discuss some other happenings, ah, there's really not all that much that's happened. I'm just writing this early because I want to at least get this out before the chance of Tribal Council, you know? If I get voted out somehow I'll cry. Really. Okay, maybe not. In a few rounds if I get voted out I'll probably cry. I'm not that invested yet.

Well, Lex decided to come up to me and say that he was worried about his performance in the Into The Triangle challenge, and said that since both myself and he were both working incredibly hard during the Tribal immunity, that he'd have my back if I had his. I accepted, of course, I mean, sure, I'm in an alliance with the four, but, it's kind of been a fact that he's infinitely more useful than Ami could ever hope to be, at this point. So...provided something INSANE isn't happening and my brain isn't being toyed with like a total puppet, I've got at least 4 people who won't vote for me tonight. The only person who possibly could is Ami, and I don't think she'll even show up for Tribal council. I think she'll just fall asleep back in the shelter and say it's too long of a walk. So, provided nothing horribly going wrong, I think I'm not going to be receiving any votes at all.

But here's the fun(and annoying part, which is the root of my paranoia at this moment) Lex popped up and said to me that he wanted an alliance with him, myself, and Kath. So what happens then is I'm totally confused because, you know, you don't say "NO" to an alliance. You say "Uh...yeah....sure. Okay." and then decide what you're REALLY going to do later. If anyone ever has done otherwise I'm going to question their mental state. So I did tell him "uh yeah sure w/e" Of course, much more enthusiastically than that, but, whatever, you get the point. And then he asked if I or him should talk to Kathy. I let him choose, because I'm trying not to make any big choices right now, I want to seem easy to manipulate and subservient. He decided to send me, which, I was hoping for at the time because I thought Kathy would find it weird I hadn't talked about it with her. So I did.

And then when I told her she was like "but he didn't say anything to me" and I just sat there feeling like a total idiot for a grand total of 10 seconds. I realized just then that it would be best if we BOTH talked to her...you know. At the same time. But no. That was a huge failure, and I tried to scramble out what I could by saying "Uhhhh I think he thought you were offline or something." Terrible, terrible defense, but nothing else came to mind. Clearly now she's going to assume me and Lex are close, right? So she went brb after that. And that's when I got scared. I was like. Crap. Now. What. Do. I. Do. So I tried to at least make sure she still felt I'm on her side(which I am, but I'm clearly doing a terrible job at actually showing that) by saying something along the lines of "I still want to be with the four but it makes me feel sad I have to lie to him. What do you think? I don't know what to do " Once again, trying to seem weak and manipulable. I want her to think that she controls me, that I'll do whatever she bids. And also, since she seemed apprehensive about the idea at first glance, I tried to scramble back and say that I really wanted to be with the four, not with Lex.

However, to be completely honest, I would MUCH rather be in that alliance than in the four. Malcolm and Charlie give me HORRIBLE backstabber vibes, whereas Lex and Kathy both seem loyal as hell. I was hoping she'd suggest that, but honestly, I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. Malcolm, Mr. "Hi I got a final two deal for ya" if I were to betray him, I mean, what if he outted that and screwed me? I feel trapped. So if we did turn on Charcolm, of course Malcolm would have to go first. But at the same time, if he DOES think I'm an easy beat and wants to take me far, keeping him around could be beneficial...there's so many different possible scenarios that I'm far too lazy to list them all. What it adds up to, is, if Ami goes tonight, and we have to go Tribal again at some point, it sucks. Big time.

But, she did say "Let's just vote Ami out first and cross the bridge when we come to it. That way if we get to a swap we have a solid 5." Which, of course, if I was a more ballsy player, instead of trying to seem like a nervous wreck(which, to an extent, I kind of am, I really really really don't want to be voted out first ugh. Nightmarish thought.) that's what I'd suggest too. I just don't want her to think I'm too much of a gamer at this point. I want to seem like the sweet chick who can't keep her emotions out of the game and feels sad about lying. That way...you know, people don't think I'm lying to them. Heh. I hope she's telling the truth and isn't like ratting me out to someone and screwing me over, because while I think that's incredibly unlikely, I still feel like it could happen and I'm terrified right now. I really, really wish that we'd win the challenge...but I'm just not seeing it happening. I'm seeing us going to tribal and having to vote Ami out. Or me, for accidentally possibly overplaying. So...yeah. Today sucks. I could have summarized this whole thing in just those two words.

One more thing I did to try and salvage myself, was volunteer for the Into The Triangle challenge. It's not much, but it might make them want to keep me around a little bit more. Kathy said she thought both Lex and I were competitors; so she does seem not to be COMPLETELY opposed to that alliance, but I think she still prefers the four. We'll see. All that matters right now to me is that she prefers me most and doesn't use what she has to screw me over, because she very well could right now.

By the way, if you guys have any questions(provided I survive Tribal Council) please ask! I'm having fun writing these out and maybe there's some stuff I'm neglecting to talk about that you'd like to hear.

[Host Brian]

I lost 4 challenges in a row when I started, so don't feel bad. Also, most effort I've ever seen in confessionals and it's wonderful.

[Alina Wilson]

Really? I personally feel like some of them are kind of lacking. xD Maybe I'm just used to writing really long posts? Also, I have quick question for you guys.

Let's say, theoretically, I was to vote Malcolm out tonight(don't get your hopes up lol). Would he be able to say anything after being voted out? Like could he say something along the lines of "lol Alina we had a final 2 thanks screw you"?

[Host Jeremiah]

Yes, we allow people to speak at TC after they've been voted out because we love drama. :~)