episode 2 confessional

[Kelly Goldsmith]

okay well i literally just spent 30 minutes writing this and i accidentally clicked on something else i dont know whether to be angry or sad or just disappointed
i will attempt this again later but right now i am feeling a lot of feelings right now and i need to just not 

[Host Aras]

I know you can get through this rough time Kelly!

*Eagerly awaits the next entry*

[Host Jeremiah]

Aras is so motivational <3

[tbird]

One time I was eating chicken wings and I felt full, but Aras was like "tbird i belieb in u" and then I ate the rest.

[Kelly Goldsmith]

OKAY attempt #2 i had to sleep on it to reassess my life choices because that moment when i accidentally clicked out of the page and desperately clicked the back button to see a blank page was one of the most harrowing times of my life i actually even told myself like halfway through while i was writing the confessional that i should post what i have so far just in case since something like this has happened to me before but there was no natural place in my incoherent rambling that would have been a good stopping point so i just decided to go for it needless to say i am just writing this in a google docs page and then transferring it to here at the end

okay i will just jump right in then and try to see how much of this i can just do off memory from what i already wrote

so this game has been interesting so far, i love my tribe and i think that although we aren’t as active as lowe, we’re pretty good at coordinating for the challenges and finding a way for everyone to contribute. as far as our tribe dynamics go, i’m actually fairly comfortable with my spot on the tribe because of the girls’ alliance that me/katie/natalie have formed (well it was mostly katie who made it and i kind of just enthusiastically agreed even though i literally didn’t even speak to natalie for the first time until two days ago for like 5 minutes or so). part of the reason we made this girls’ alliance was just out of paranoia that the guys have something going on as well since they’ve been really elusive and aloof with us. maybe that’s just how they are but it seems weird that ALL 3 girls have been getting the same kind of secretive vibe from ALL 3 guys on our tribe. obviously a 3 person alliance isn’t exactly majority, but i actually still feel good with where we stand since i think us three are a lot more active than the three guys (although let’s be real i can’t criticize other people’s activity since i’m probably the last person in this game to write a substantial confessional SORRY). apparently colby even told katie that he would be willing to vote brett out first if it came to that since brett has definitely been the least active on our tribe, which is totally fine by me and would definitely make the rest of this premerge phase pretty easy (well at least until a tribe swap or some other twist)

as far as the people on our tribe go, i love katie and she’s definitely the person i trust the most in this game so far. not really a huge surprise that i would get along with someone who picked our lord and savior katie gallagher as their alias. like i said i’ve only had like one conversation with natalie where we both confirmed how totally excited we are about the girls’ alliance and how much we distrust the guys on our tribe etc etc etc she seems nice enough but i also get a sneaky vibe from her. as far as the guys go, i don’t even remember if i’ve spoken to brett or edgardo one-on-one but colby is pretty nice and probably the only one of the guys who is actually making the effort to be communicative.

during the pre-tribe phase i probably didn’t really talk to as many people as i would have liked. honestly i don’t like to get ahead of myself...i can worry about malcolm and lex and charlie and sandra and vytas and everyone else later if and when i actually get to that stage of the game. i realize that cross-tribal communication is allowed but i’m mostly just trying to focus on my tribe, and i really should make more of an effort to interact with the guys because even though they don’t seem to be with us, the ideal situation would just be for us 6 to keep winning and then stick together durign the post-merge (i know, that is atrociously boring but i can’t invest in people on other tribes right now because i’m sure most of them already have their own alliances and their own agendas now, as much as i may love monica culpepper). i did talk to maybe 3-4 people during the pre-tribe phase but i don’t even remember who it was anymore

ANYWAY speaking of cross-tribal alliances, the thing that makes me the most nervous in this game so far is the very sudden and random massive intertribal “we hate kidds” alliance that was formed between every and lowe for immunity challenge #1. i sort of facilitated that happening by bitching @ denise when she sunk lex in the same minute that i did at the beginning of that challenge because it was a waste of a move. then she was like why don’t our tribes just………work together???// and i was like sure i guess and then we both ran it by our tribes and then all of a sudden i found myself in this huge group chat with both tribes which was exactly what i didn’t want to do in terms of opening up channels of communication with people on the other tribes so early in the game. i am an old-fashioned person i guess but i hated the spontaneous camaraderie between every and lowe in the group chat LOWE IS THE ENEMY DONT BE FOOLED COLBY. actually it was interesting because since then, both katie and natalie have also told me that they didn’t like how that whole thing went down. it just felt unnatural for an alliance of that magnitude to just kind of organically pop up so early in the game when there isn’t really even a precedent for something like that happening. i don’t know how that will affect the later stages of the game. did kidd realize they were being systematically teamed up against? it seemed like it was pretty obvious. does lowe think that we should automatically team up with them after the merge? i dunno but i think the repercussions of that move will probably be much bigger than people anticipated. for now, like i said, i need to keep building relationships within my tribe and just try to get people to open up to me. i am totally okay with katie being the de facto social leader and colby kind of being the de facto challenge leader but i need to just focus on making myself indispensable

random thoughts interlude: i’m still getting used to alias games since this is the first time i’ve played one and i still need to figure out how to properly manage my alias. i’m sure most others aren’t really putting as much thought into it as much as i am, and for good reason too but the effect of aliases on meta-game dynamics is pretty interesting, particularly how aliases are gendered. like it’s crazy how i have spoken to natalie only once and yet i was already in a tight 3-person alliance that i felt very confident about with her before i even spoke to her, and the only reason that happened is because me katie and natalie all arbitrarily picked female aliases. full disclosure i am actually a man (fate is a cruel and fickle mistress) and i am not trying to hide that fact or anything but i am also very vague when i speak about anything to my tribemates so that i don’t give away that i am actually a guy although maybe the natural assumption in alias ORGs is that all guys are guys and all girls are...also guys. it’s just interesting that in this game i am an angry feminist killjoy (credit for that goes to natalie) with an “all-female” alliance when the reality could very well be that katie and natalie are also dudes and one of colby or edgardo or brett could actually be a female, but really there’s no way of knowing and i don’t necessarily need or want to know either. it’s just interesting how the aliases have already been a lot more important in how the game is progressing than i would have expected
now for a flawlessly smooth transition to other things i want to talk about


what was malcolm even doing in that ITT challenge like WHAT still so confused. okay he was on mobile so that was a disadvantage right off the bat but he was literally just posting in the middle of the minute for no discernible reason. of course i was feeling all smug and proud of myself but then someone on my tribe pointed out that he could have just been throwing it to get the individual prize which...makes sense but he wasn’t being very subtle about it. i wonder what his tribe thinks of how that all went down because i can’t imagine they would be too happy about it but maybe they just wanted the individual prize all along if they know that it is an idol clue or something (which is what i am assuming it is). part of me wanted to take the individual prize just to fuck with malcolm but AH self-preservation and whatnot...can’t have my tribe hating me right now although i probably could have gotten away with it. still it wouldn’t really bode well for how people perceive me in the long run

anyway that is all for now, again sorry for how late this is but i tried to cover most of the significant things that happened to me in both episode 1 and 2. i think for the next episode i’m just going to try to write short updates as significant things happen just so i dont have to write one long novel at the end which i would probably end up getting too lazy to do anyway

god bless google docs for the auto-save feature

[Host Jeremiah]

Can you please include Hannah Montana transistional music in all of your confessionals

[Host Aras]

Thanks for the update Kelly!!